Hesitation

   Ever since I graduated high school, I’ve felt so lost. For example, the fact that I’m still stuck in Riverside and the fact that we still live in this apartment. My mom said to me and promised me that if I stayed with her that we will move into a four bedroom house and that not only will I get a room for myself but a room for me to study in and put all my books in. Now I didn’t need that sort of extravagance, but it sounded good to me.A part of me knew that it was slightly unlikely to happen because my mom practically pays the bills on her own, but I still decided to stay.

   I didn’t decide to stay for her, but I think I stayed because I was scared to move to San Francisco and attend the university out there. Not that I was scared, but because I was hesitant and because of hesitation I’m stuck where I’ve lived for the past nine years.
   My advice for others is don’t give into that hesitation because once you do, you’ll regret it entirely.
But alls well that ends well, I get to go to UCR and commute from home to school. Thus saving me lots of money and gives me back a little to spend. Plus, for my sophomore year I’m going to go to Japan to study so everything is good so far. It just sucks that school hasn’t started yet. I’m getting bored just sitting on my ass at home.
   Lately on Youtube I’ve been watching this student couple who went to Japan for a year to study. I love seeing there adventures and I can’t wait to make adventures of my own. I’ll call my adventure “A Japanese Story”. I can’t help thinking into the future, although sometimes it’s a bad trait considering that I don’t care much for my present at times.
   I feel the vibration from my phone for a text message. I did not think it could be him but when I realized it was, my heart starts to race. I don’t know why though, I just think he’s cute.
   Zach- You want to go talk over a cup of coffee?
   Me- Yah, sounds good.
   Zach- How long will it take you to get ready?
   Me- Not long seeing as I’m already ready. Lol.
   Zach- Well so am I and I’m at your door 
   Shit! As quickly as I could I ran into the bathroom to apply some make up. I don’t wear foundation, so that saves me some time. I only need to put on some eye brow liner (my eye brows are too thin), some pink lip gloss, and some mascara. Should I put on some eye shadow? No, it’s way too hot for that. Riverside has experiencing some hot weather lately and it’s like three in the afternoon so you can believe that today’s heat has reached its peak.
   Today I decided to wear my dark green summer dress that cups around my thighs, a cream cardigan, and some flips flops. I also decided to leave my hair down in curls, but once I stepped outside I realized how idiotic I can be.
   “Hey,” he waves waiting for me at the end of my walkway.
   “Hey.” Is it me or does he look even cuter than yesterday? “Is white your favorite color or something,” I ask pointing out his white shirt.
   “Not really, it’s just too hot to wear any other colors.”
   “True. So what coffee place are we going to, Starbucks?”
   “No, I want to try something different. I saw this coffee house down the street from here. It looked pretty chill.”
   “What is called?”
   “Wake Up Call Coffee House, or so it says,” he chuckles. “Have you ever been there?”
   “I never even heard of it.”
   “Then there’s a first time for everything,” He tell me, staring at me with his indigo eyes.
   He opens the door to his Crimson 2008 Chevy Mustang. I almost feel like I’m his girlfriend or something. Man, if my cousin was here she would fall so in love with him…just because of his car.
   Realizing that I was sitting with my legs open, I snapped them together and secretly pulled up my shirt. My breasts are double D so they like to show themselves quite a bit.
   Zach already started his car and we are almost out of the apartments, I haven’t said a word to him yet. This silence feels awkward. “So, how old are you?”
  “I am twenty one.”
  My eyes widen, “Twenty one? Wow you’re pretty old!”
   He cracks up one of his million dollar smiles, “Twenty one is not old. How old are you then?”
   “Eighteen.”
   Everything kind of fell into silence again. “When did you turn eighteen?”
   I whisper, “Like a three weeks ago. So I’m guessing you already graduated from college?”
   “Yah, I graduated in the late May from Harvard. Right after, I got a job at a computer company around here so that’s why I moved to Riverside. You know, not to be rood but you look a lot older than eighteen. I almost thought you were my age if not twenty.”
   “A lot of people think I’m older than I am, hence why I’m always getting hit on from older guys; some way older than twenty one.”
   We arrive at a stop light. I catch myself looking at him as he turns to me with seductive eyes that make me more nervous than I already am. “And who said I was hitting on you.”
   My heart skipped a beat. “I didn’t say that you were hitting me I’m just saying…”
   “Just saying what?”
   “Just…saying…”
   Suddenly he burst in laughter. What the hell is so funny? Here I am getting cornered like a mouse and here is he is laughing it up.
   “You know,” he says whiling catching his breath, “You looked so cute just now.”
   I can feel myself reddening, “Uh, thanks I guess.” For some reason, I can’t help but laugh too.